The Ordinary Moments That Shape a Child’s Life

The Moments That Shape a Life

I was driving my grandson, Toddy, to basketball practice one day. The radio was off, and I decided to interview him like I was hosting a little TV show — seven questions, just for fun.

“What’s something you wish you could do that your parents won’t let you do?”

“Play Fortnite,” he said, without missing a beat.

Well — that’s probably not happening.

“What’s something Grammy and Big Pop could do more of?”

“Go swimming.”

That one, we could do.

Then I asked a bigger question, though I didn’t know it yet.

“When do you feel the safest?”

He didn’t hesitate.

“At home.”

Two words.

But those two words told me everything.

They told me that home felt secure. Peaceful. Loving. Like a place where he could simply be himself.

And I almost missed it.

It was just a car ride to basketball practice. Just a grandmother asking her grandson a few questions to pass the time.

But that little conversation reminded me of something I have come to believe deeply:

The moments that shape a child’s life rarely announce themselves.

They happen in the car. At the dinner table. On the sidelines. Before bedtime. Walking through the grocery store. Sitting on the edge of a teenager’s bed when they finally decide to talk.

Small moments.

Ripples.

The Questions Children May Never Ask

Every child — whether they are five, fifteen or somewhere in between — is carrying questions they may never say out loud:

Do you see me?

Do you hear me?

Do you believe in me?

And often, our answers are not found in some grand speech.

They are found in whether we look up from our phones when they are talking.

Whether we notice when something about them has changed.

Whether we ask one more question instead of assuming we already know the answer.

Whether we show up.

Whether we listen.

Whether we speak words that build instead of words that break.

For more than forty years, I have had the privilege of walking alongside children and families — as a youth pastor, mentor, mother, grandmother and community leader.

And if there is one thing those years have taught me, it is this:

Children remember how we made them feel long after they forget what we said.

Yet sometimes, they remember the words too.

The Ripples We Create

Think for a moment about a child in your life.

Your son.

Your daughter.

Your grandchild.

A teenager who acts like they don’t need anybody.

A student.

An athlete.

A child in your church, your neighborhood or your community.

Now imagine that child twenty years from today.

What words will they still hear in their head because you said them?

Will they remember:

“I’m proud of you.”

“I believe in you.”

“You can do hard things.”

“I love who you are becoming.”

“You don’t have to be perfect.”

“I’m here.”

We may never know which sentence becomes the one they carry.

We may never see how one conversation changes the direction of a life.

We may never know that simply showing up gave a child the courage to keep going.

That is the power of a ripple.

You drop something small into the water, and the impact travels farther than the place where it began.

Our words do that.

Our presence does that.

Our encouragement does that.

So does our absence.

So does criticism.

So does silence.

Every day, we are leaving fingerprints on a human heart.

The question is: What kind will we leave?

Be That Someone

That car ride with Toddy lasted only a few minutes.

Basketball practice came and went.

But I have never forgotten his answer.

“At home.”

It reminded me that sometimes the most important thing we can do for a child is simply create the kind of space where they feel safe enough to answer honestly.

So ask the question.

Take the drive.

Sit at the table.

Put the phone down.

Listen a little longer.

Tell them what you see in them.

Encourage the teenager who pretends not to care.

Notice the child standing quietly at the edge of the room.

Make the phone call.

Show up at the game.

Speak the words.

You may think it is a small thing.

To a child, it may be everything.

That is what One Ripple at a Time is about — recognizing that ordinary people, in ordinary moments, have extraordinary opportunities to influence the life of a child.

Through this column, I hope we will talk about those moments — the conversations, choices, encouragement, mistakes, lessons and acts of love that help shape confident, compassionate and purposeful young people.

None of us will get it right every time.

But every one of us can create a ripple.

Every child deserves someone who believes in them before they believe in themselves.

Be that someone.

— Karen Davis, Founder, One Ripple at a Time